It would be a lie if I tell you that I am always happy. In fact, before marriage, I was a very hard-to-please partner. I have let so many little things that my now husband did to upset me. I got a long list of excuses on how it was okay for me to get upset and to overreact. My excuses went from “Well I am just being a girl. And all girls get upset by these things” to “He doesn’t care enough. He should have been more thoughtful”. I noticed that the more I believed in these excuses, the harder it was to love freely and to have a peaceful mind.
This marriage has helped me grow and mature so much. I learned that by living my life mindfully, I have become a more loving and caring wife. Here are some of the Zen habits that I am practicing to have a happier, more peaceful, and loving life.
- Be Accepting: This is not an easy thing to do and I am still struggling with this. We all have expectations in life and in our loved ones; and when things don’t go as expected or when our loved ones don’t act the way we expect them to act, we get hurt and disappointed. The moment we realize that we are the cause of our own pain, we will be able to let go of expectations and accept people and life as they are. I feel a sense of closeness to my husband that I have never felt before once I let go of expectations. I am able to love unconditionally because I accept him as he is and don’t try to change him to someone else.
- Be Present: As many women in this modern world, I have a full time job leading a high profile project so there never seems to be enough time to do anything else outside of work. More often than not, when I go home my mind would still be occupied with work. I would check my phone and work email constantly even though I am sitting on the couch with my husband. This is a very unhealthy habit. Being present is one of the fundamental elements in Zen mindful living. Pay attention to your partner. Get connected with your partner. Make the most out of the little time you have together each day.
- Be Content: If you spend most of your time comparing your husband to someone else that is not him, you are wasting your time and energy. It will only cause you resentments, frustrations, and disappointments. Happiness comes from within. Be content with yourself, with your partner, and your life.